Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Indivisible

"I'm sorry that I didn't keep my word and be the stubborn, obstinate lunatic I promised to be. Which isn't to say I won't try hard in the future. It's just that some flip-flopping is necessary in order to further THE MASTER PLAN. So just hang in there and re-elect me, and I promise, I'll be just the partisan President you've always hoped for. I am the Messiah, you know. I am the only one who can save America. Er, I mean, we are the only ones. So turn your thinking caps off, stare at biased television screens, and pay my salary with your tax dollars while I use them to campaign for more. You've been a wonderful audience. God Bless America. (But not America exclusively; bless the Middle East, bless Russia, bless China... Oh, are we still rolling?)"

And so begins another presidential election in this, the United States of America.

But it doesn't really matter.

Actually, it does, but try convincing the rest of the country of that. Because we currently live in a country where we have no sense of identity, no sense of pride, and no sense of patriotism. A prime example of this (though you wouldn't be hard-pressed to find many more)occurred in Eugene, Oregon.

The dispute?

This one's a doozy. You know, I think I can actually see where the Left is coming from on this one. Namely, the nearest drug dealer. Because unless you're on your way back from a date with a substance, your argument shouldn't be this lacking in substance.

To introduce this dispute, I'd like to first define a word. The word is "divisive." It means "tending to cause disagreement or hostility between people."

Now, tell me if the following is divisive: "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."

Yes. Yes it is. It is divisive between a terrorist and a Marine, divisive between Saddam Hussein and the little old lady across the street, divisive between Osama bin Ladin (cue liberals' chorus of, "May he rest in peace") and a newborn baby. It is divisive between someone who loves and pledges allegiance to America and someone who does not.

It should therefore not be a problem on the Eugene, Oregon city council, since I do not believe any of the above pairings exist on said council (though in light of recent events, I could be wrong).

Indeed. Sadly, when a proposition to say the Pledge of Allegiance before every meeting was struck down by a vote of 5 to 2, the accompanying excuses were that the pledge "does not unite us," according to Councilman George Brown, and apparently, to Councilwoman Betty Taylor, is equivalent to reading from the Koran.

Where are the hate speech advocates when you need them?

Because I believe that statement was very divisive. We're trying to befriend the Muslims, and some moron goes and pulls a stunt like that, comparing their holy book to the Pledge of Allegiance! If I were a Muslim, I would be very, very offended.

Sarcasm aside (for about 3.24 seconds), what is this woman thinking? Yes, of COURSE, reciting an oath to your country is the same thing as reading from the Koran. (Somehow I think, if proposed, the latter would receive less opposition.)

According to FOXNews.com,

Resident Anita Sullivan summed up a common viewpoint: “So you say I pledge allegiance and right there I don’t care for that language,” Sullivan says. “It sort of means loyalty to your country; well, I feel loyalty to the entire world.”

Even after the compromise proposal passed and the council began its regular meeting Monday night, the pledge was still too hot to handle.

A motion to say the Pledge of Allegiance was shot down even though it would be the closest meeting to July Fourth. Those voting against the measure said it was just too soon. They’ll wait until the next meeting.


I'd like to point out that apparently pledging that your country is indivisible is divisive. Ponder that a moment. With me now? Great.

Look, I don't mean to be pushy (or--gasp--divisive), but if you don't care to pledge allegiance to your country, maybe you should leave.

Because, yes, it "sort of means" loyalty to your country. Call me crazy (you won't be the first), but that's kind of the idea. Is your country not a part of the world you feel loyal to? Did I miss something? (Besides the obvious thing I missed, which would be when the general population decided to be ignorant traitors--oh, wait, I know when that happened.) It's okay to feel loyal to the world and your country at the same time. In fact, your country is one of the powers your world depends on, so I would suggest loyalty.

I mean, honestly? We have people, going on national TV and saying, "I'm uncomfortable with this whole 'loyalty to country' thing." Here's a newsflash: In "the entire world," there isn't freedom of speech. Your country is one of the few places, ironically, where you can say you hate your country. (And most don't hesitate to do so.)

What they do hesitate to do, however, is comply with the rules. The compromise stated that the most recent meeting would be one of the Pledge meetings, as it is the closest to the Fourth of July. But the argument against it is that it's just "too soon." Um, actually, it stopped being "too soon" in 1776, so unless you (to say nothing of your minds) are that old, it's not "too soon."

But it may be too late.

But, you know, whatever. America will bounce back; we always do, right?

Sure. But it's because the people care enough to do so. If you always take your medicine when you're sick, you don't suddenly stop taking it and say, "Oh don't worry, I'll bounce back." You don't deflate your basketball and say, "Don't worry, it'll bounce back." You don't snap your boomerang in half and say, "Don't worry, it'll bounce back."

Worry. And act.

Because we can't be sure we will bounce back until we make sure we will bounce back.

And we may be running out of time. (Gee, really?)

The rest of the world isn't blind. They're probably more aware of our troubles than we are, actually. And we sit here hating our country, instead trying to make friends with our enemies.

We are our own greatest enemy.

But since I don't think any of us want to blow ourselves up (aside from certain individuals on the city council of Eugene, Oregon), maybe we should focus on our other enemies.

Making friends is perfectly fine, as long as we completely obliterate their will and ability to fight first. (In other words, the hand that shakes theirs had better be a powerful one.) We need to assert our power. Or they will.

I'm not saying we go on bombing sprees and kill countless innocents. I'm saying we speak softly (but firmly) and carry a big stick. (In case you've fallen victim to American public education [which we borrowed from our friends the Germans, who used it to indoctrinate their people into anti-Semitism from the youngest age possible], you may Google that quote to see who it belongs to.)

For example, nuclear arms reduction treaties are a dangerous waste of time. First of all, it shows weakness. Second of all, we're America. We keep our end of the deal. How do we know whether or not the other side is keeping theirs? (Hopefully we'll know more than 3 seconds before we explode.)

Because there are people out there. People like al Qaeda, people like, for example, Iran, which apparently has the ability to build larger weapons but won't because they can already hit who they want to hit (namely, the U.S. and Israel).

What to do? What to do? (Inviting them for tea is not an option. Sorry, Obama.)

Oh, here's an idea: we stop acting like idiots and we recognize a threat when we see one and stop trying to please them and walk on eggshells, because those are not the shells we should be worried about.

But no. Because that would be racist, bigoted, (insert liberal catchphrase [a.k.a. name to call conservatives] here), and just plain MEAN.

I've long since stopped caring.

So, in the spirit of mean-spirited conservatism, I'd like to end by saying this:

We are America. WE ARE INDIVISIBLE. ONE NATION. UNDER GOD. And I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

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